I wrote this one year ago...Feb. 18, 2009...I had been doing Weight Watchers for 3 months and had lost about 25 lbs...I was feeling fantastic and wanted to have a written record of the why.
Why I was depriving myself of food that I enjoy.
Why I was taking time away from my family every week to go to a WW meeting.
Why I was telling everyone in my life that I was a WW person.
Why I was changing my habits.
Why I was taking better care of myself.
I have re-read this several times since that first writing and I will continue to re-read when I am struggling and when I want to celebrate.
MY WEIGHT LOSS MANIFESTO...
I am doing this for vanity - I want to shop in all the stores, not just plus stores. I want to wear sleeveless shirts. I want to have a bra that does not have 6 clasps at the back. I want people to notice 'the girls' when I am dressed to the nines, not the belly/bum/hips etc. I want someone to turn their head to have a re-look as I walk by. I want people to think that I am pretty - not say/think "she has such a pretty face/complexion". I don't want my boobs to rest on my desk as I am typing.
I am doing this to feel good about myself - I want to glance in the mirror and like what I see. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to eat in public and not think that everyone is staring at me and wondering "why is that girl eating? she should just skip a few meals". I want to exercise in public (jog, run, play at park) and not feel silly and jiggily. I want to sit in movie theatre seats / airplane seats...and be comfortable. (already noticing a difference in this area...woo hoo). I want to stop feeling like I have to be the perfect mother - perfect friend - perfect sister - perfect daughter - perfect housekeeper - perfect everything to compensate for my weight. I think that if I am perfect in every way (except my weight) that everyone in my life will find enough good in me to like and love me anyway...despite my weight. I want my weight to stop being an issue. I want food to stop being at the forefront of all my thoughts. I want to stop feeling sorry for myself, making excuses for myself and just get on with it...like Nike says...JUST DO IT!
I am doing this for my profesional life - I don't want to shy away from challenges or other things at work because of my weight or my perception of what people think of me. I have this idea in my head that people think I am less capable because I am overweight and then because of my insecurity I live up to that and do less - jump in less - push less. It is a confidence thing. I want to feel confident going in front of customers. I want to believe that I am passed over for jobs / promotions because of my skills and work and nothing else...not because of my weight.
I am doing this for my intimate life with my hubby - I want to feel amorous again. I want to 'want' to do 'it'...and not just on Saturday night. I want to buy little things to wear at night; not to cover up, but to strategically show...to entice...to excite. I want to be a MILF.
I am doing this for my health - I need to walk up the stairs and not get winded. I need to run with my kids. I want to jump on our trampoline lots and not get tired. I need to be able to swim to the rock at the cottage. I need to be able to catch my kids if they run into traffic. I do not have high blood pressure - but if I keep going this way I will. I don't want to get diabetes. I want more energy, I want to make exercise part of my everyday life and even if I never love it I want to still do it because it feels great when it is done and it is good for me.
I am doing this for my dad - I love my dad and I want him to be proud of me, it is really all I have ever wanted in life. I want him to want to go skiing with me, I want him to proudly introduce me to people, I want him to put photos of me up in his home. I want to have conversations with him that do not involve us talking about my weight / health / exercise.
I am doing this for my mom - I want my mom to see me as a role model and start to take care of herself...if I can do it she can too! I want her to be around for my kids for a long time. I want her arthritis to stop causing her such pain, and when she eats well the pain goes away.
I am doing this for my husband - I want my husband to be healthier and to live a long full life. I want him to eat better and I hope by having better food in the house and modelling this, he will start to make some good choices.
I am doing this for my son - I want him to have an image in his mind of what a wife/mother can be so that when he is choosing his mate, he chooses well. I want O to be proud of me and not feel shame as he gets older and is bringing friends home. I want to be an athletic role model for him - modelling the behaviour I want him to possess.
I am doing this for my daughter - I want to be a better role model than I had (no offence to my mom xoxo but she was/is not a great eater/exerciser). I want B to learn to put herself on her own 'to do' list - to think she is as important as everything and everyone else in her life - to learn to value herself...and the best way for her to learn this is by watching me.
I am doing this for me!
Why I was depriving myself of food that I enjoy.
Why I was taking time away from my family every week to go to a WW meeting.
Why I was telling everyone in my life that I was a WW person.
Why I was changing my habits.
Why I was taking better care of myself.
I have re-read this several times since that first writing and I will continue to re-read when I am struggling and when I want to celebrate.
MY WEIGHT LOSS MANIFESTO...
I am doing this for vanity - I want to shop in all the stores, not just plus stores. I want to wear sleeveless shirts. I want to have a bra that does not have 6 clasps at the back. I want people to notice 'the girls' when I am dressed to the nines, not the belly/bum/hips etc. I want someone to turn their head to have a re-look as I walk by. I want people to think that I am pretty - not say/think "she has such a pretty face/complexion". I don't want my boobs to rest on my desk as I am typing.
I am doing this to feel good about myself - I want to glance in the mirror and like what I see. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to eat in public and not think that everyone is staring at me and wondering "why is that girl eating? she should just skip a few meals". I want to exercise in public (jog, run, play at park) and not feel silly and jiggily. I want to sit in movie theatre seats / airplane seats...and be comfortable. (already noticing a difference in this area...woo hoo). I want to stop feeling like I have to be the perfect mother - perfect friend - perfect sister - perfect daughter - perfect housekeeper - perfect everything to compensate for my weight. I think that if I am perfect in every way (except my weight) that everyone in my life will find enough good in me to like and love me anyway...despite my weight. I want my weight to stop being an issue. I want food to stop being at the forefront of all my thoughts. I want to stop feeling sorry for myself, making excuses for myself and just get on with it...like Nike says...JUST DO IT!
I am doing this for my profesional life - I don't want to shy away from challenges or other things at work because of my weight or my perception of what people think of me. I have this idea in my head that people think I am less capable because I am overweight and then because of my insecurity I live up to that and do less - jump in less - push less. It is a confidence thing. I want to feel confident going in front of customers. I want to believe that I am passed over for jobs / promotions because of my skills and work and nothing else...not because of my weight.
I am doing this for my intimate life with my hubby - I want to feel amorous again. I want to 'want' to do 'it'...and not just on Saturday night. I want to buy little things to wear at night; not to cover up, but to strategically show...to entice...to excite. I want to be a MILF.
I am doing this for my health - I need to walk up the stairs and not get winded. I need to run with my kids. I want to jump on our trampoline lots and not get tired. I need to be able to swim to the rock at the cottage. I need to be able to catch my kids if they run into traffic. I do not have high blood pressure - but if I keep going this way I will. I don't want to get diabetes. I want more energy, I want to make exercise part of my everyday life and even if I never love it I want to still do it because it feels great when it is done and it is good for me.
I am doing this for my dad - I love my dad and I want him to be proud of me, it is really all I have ever wanted in life. I want him to want to go skiing with me, I want him to proudly introduce me to people, I want him to put photos of me up in his home. I want to have conversations with him that do not involve us talking about my weight / health / exercise.
I am doing this for my mom - I want my mom to see me as a role model and start to take care of herself...if I can do it she can too! I want her to be around for my kids for a long time. I want her arthritis to stop causing her such pain, and when she eats well the pain goes away.
I am doing this for my husband - I want my husband to be healthier and to live a long full life. I want him to eat better and I hope by having better food in the house and modelling this, he will start to make some good choices.
I am doing this for my son - I want him to have an image in his mind of what a wife/mother can be so that when he is choosing his mate, he chooses well. I want O to be proud of me and not feel shame as he gets older and is bringing friends home. I want to be an athletic role model for him - modelling the behaviour I want him to possess.
I am doing this for my daughter - I want to be a better role model than I had (no offence to my mom xoxo but she was/is not a great eater/exerciser). I want B to learn to put herself on her own 'to do' list - to think she is as important as everything and everyone else in her life - to learn to value herself...and the best way for her to learn this is by watching me.
I am doing this for me!
Posts
Jen, I LOVE this post! I'm so proud of you... you make me feel like when I'm done having this baby, I might just jump on the WW bandwagon. You are inspiring to those of us around you... for lots of reasons... not just your weight loss.
ReplyDeleteCheryl,
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much! It is my goal to be a WW leader when I hit my goal weight...glad that you found this inspirational.
xo
Jen...You are an inspiration! I was reading the part about your Mom and I had a flash back of us as little girls playing at your house and your Mom always had one of those mini exercise trampolines in the livingroom! My Mom has always struggled with her weight as well, I think the bad eating and exercising habits truly can carry on to the daughters as I experience my own fight with this every day (Of course we have to take our own responsibility). To think we almost moved to Ajax...we could've been walking buddies! Too bad Bowmanville is just a little far away. You have come so far already and I love reading about putting yourself first, I know it's something we as Mom's have so much guilt over, but we are better more loving mothers when we take the time for ourselves! Keep going Jen, I have no doubt that you will reach your goals! Hugs (Kelly Hisey (Braid))
ReplyDelete@ Kelly, I so remember that trampoline...I think it lives in her bedroom now...so funny that you would remember that! Thank you for your support and we will have to make a point of walking together at least once in the summer...we are not that far apart.
ReplyDeletexo
Jen I would love that! There are great paths in Bowmanville and Ajax! I love to see you again too!
ReplyDeleteYou are AWESOME!! I love this site you are a true inspiration. Congratulations on your success so far. Are you allowed wine on weight watchers? We need to get together for a drink ... or a salad SOON. I miss you,
ReplyDeleteKasandra
@ Kelly - Once spring is here for good and we can be assured of no snow and no frost, I would love to take you up on that...we have fantastic paths...let's put them to good use!
ReplyDelete@ Kasandra - thanks honey! I miss you too!!!! The beauty of WW is that you are allowed anything, wine included...I just gotta count the points. I am totally up for a salad and wine get together :)
I never once thought you were less capable because you weren't a size 6. I always thought that you were smart, funny, competent and beautiful. Thanks for reminding me how right I am.
ReplyDelete